Strangeness of Feelings

Regardless of any short-comings on my side.. I'm all for taking her back..But.. why is it that this whole damn situation feels like I'm just going to experience the same thing.. Hate...Disappointment. Hell even the same letdown where she says I'm just "not it".  I try so hard for her.. I'm just not one of those guys who can really STOP showing a girl, woman how i feel about her.. Is it so wrong that I want her for myself? Can I really not keep her for my own?  Why does this 'feeling for you both' sound like she's taking pity on me.. What's wrong with just saying. I like my friend more than i like you.. What's so wrong with just telling me we're done... Done. No if..and's or buts about it. I can't .. and i wont share her.. I want her to truthfully be mine. But with this weird halfsentiment in my eyes.. It's nothing more than a lie. Feelings are strong.. Not just for trial... but forever. There's nothing inside me that could resist her.. Nothing inside me that wants to. I'd do anything. Be anything. Just if she told me to...